I-Pod Beauty Is Only Skin Deep

Today I eviscerated my I-Pod. And I saw, for the first time, its barren innards. It looked like high-end gourmet dining for cockroaches. I opened it because the battery it came with two years ago had become completely unreliable. I'd go on the subway (risking theft by wearing the tell-tale white earbud headphones), listen to about six or seven songs, and before I got to Broadway-Lafayette it would die. It was the ultimate tease...Jerry Gonzalez & the Fort Apache Band would be segueing to Diplo and then the screen would go dark.
I got one of these battery kits from some place that I won't name (hint: it's a poem form); read an article that was one of the top 10 e-mailed list on the paypuh o' rekkid and went right to the site. They send you a new battery which they claim lasts much longer than the original, these cheesy plastic "tools" and a CD-ROM that explains how to do the procedure. At first I was ready to give up because the plastic tool wore down quickly and the case didn't seem to be budging. You see you have to wedge in the "tool" between the white plastic and the metal casing and sort of manipulate it back and forth until it comes loose. As the "tool" wore down, I resorted to a small screwdriver (not recommended) and with persistence, managed to get the cover off.
When you flip the thing open (being careful not to accidently tear off the wires that go to the top of the unit), the grim, uninviting insides are revealed. It's amazing to me that such an unspectactular, almost shoddy looking circuit board and dinky hard drive is hidden behind this beautiful case that makes the world lust for the swinging I-Pod dancer who holds the thing. The $300 flies right out of your hand or your checking account or credit card at the speed of light. I'm not sure if you all would be slapping down the cash so quickly if you saw the dark underbelly as it's pictured above.
Don't count on me to report back on how the new battery is working. This entry is the most blatantly consumerist of any previous Living in Spanglish post, so I'm already having trouble living that down. But it was also inspired by a photo I found in my pictures folder that I was meaning to use but forgot about. It's maybe another reason not to follow me down the dreaded I-Pod path. (Despite everything, it's a brilliant, elegant machine. My random plays, watched over by "I-God," to quote Deep Steve, are already evidence of my life flashing before me.)


This is exactly what it's like in the National Guard. You listen to music with cute babes wearing sundresses. I really don't think there's any chance you might be sent to Iraq. That would make it difficult to respond to a crisis like Hurricane Katrina, and we would never want that to happen. I'm telling you, saving that $2.98 will be well worth it, and the most you'll have to do is maybe put the goal posts back up if knocked down during some Division II bowl game.




Oh, What a Lovely War!
Hey, and while I'm at it, Europe, what's your problem? What's the matter, you can't stomach a little torture to save lives? Is everyone over there wearing flip flops and drinking Cote du Rhone? Here's the first rule of spreading democracy: Deny Democracy wherever possible! It's for their own good, and in the long run people get freer faster! I mean, it's a fact that the U.S. is the world leader as far as human rights are concerned. What is going on in these secret prisons mostly based in Eastern Europe, is not torture, because my Hispanic hero, Alberto Gonzalez, has assured us that it's not. (I mean as long as we don't kill the guy it's not torture, right?)
So give me a break. And I don't want to hear anything about paying journalists to write positive stories about the occupation, I mean freedom-building mission. If you don't quit whining, I'll just have to assume that you've been watching too much Al Jazeera and take appropriate action.